A Perspective on Death and Dying

Five weeks ago I completed my first pharmacy rotation at a cancer center and today I completed my second rotation in critical care. Prior to pharmacy rotations I categorized myself as someone who did not deal with death well. For example, my eyes could start tearing up just thinking about my grandmas that have past away. I avoided all talk about death and what I would want if I were in a poor medical scenario. I never spoke about what I wanted, and I never asked friends or family what they would do. In oncology it seemed like the family members were the ones scared of death more commonly than the patient. At what point is enough, enough? I watched patients that were in pretty bad shape get very toxic chemotherapy because their family members were not ready to let go. If the patient would have skipped the last round of chemo and done home Hospice (go home and a service comes to the house to help keep the patient comfortable), maybe the patient would have had more time to spend with family rather than stay in a hospital bed. It is horribly sad to watch patients and their families cope with situations but it has helped me realize a lot about myself.

Oncology taught me that modern medicine can do some AMAZING things, but also many horrible things. Seeing patients experience horrible side effects made me second guess chemo, but the miraculous outcomes I saw, made me a believer again, just not for all patients.

I am torn over some of the heroic actions that health care professionals take in the ICU to keep patients alive. All the actions are done to the extent of the will of the power of attorney (person assigned to make medical decisions) if a patient is unable to make their own decisions. Prior to this experience I was selfish in the sense that I would want heroic measures taken on every person I know. But, that is not what everyone wants, it has even made me question what I would want. I watched a patient's wife of many years make the tough decision to let her beloved husband go so he would no longer suffer. He had lived a fantastic, fulfilling life and she thought he would not want to be kept alive if his mind and body were not functioning without medical interventions and support. Even though she did not want to let him go, she made the tough decision based on what he would want. Many families do not have these talks. I had never asked my parents what they would want, until tonight. As morbid as it seems to talk about it now, it is better than guessing what your loved one would want.

If I were to fall over today, hell yeah I want CPR done on me. Fifty years from now, that may be a different story. I have not lived yet to my full potential so I would want to fight if there is a chance that I would have a recovery. Although I would not want to be kept alive on a ventilator without any mental function.

I hope this inspires you to evaluate your thoughts and beliefs on life and death. Talk to your friend and family about it.